Monthly Archives: June 2013

The Seed.


The words jumped out the screen at me. I never knew the answer to all my life’s questions could be answered in 5 little words and a hyphen.

How incredibly mind blowing my journey has been. To have answers, to have truth. To be TRUTH.

Owning up to my journey and the battles has been incredibly healing in and of itself. When I began to talk about my mental illness, I realized I was NOT alone. That many struggle with mental illness as well and even if they don’t, they are receptive and loving. They are there.

I feel like I went my whole life feeling as though I was alone. That nobody understood me. That I was shameful. That I was wrong. That I was a bad person. That I couldn’t expose my true self to others or I would be shunned.

I wanted so much to be accepted and loved, that I accepted far less than I was worth and didn’t feel that I deserved more.

The turning point began several years ago when a friend gave me a copy of the book The Secret. I didn’t know it then, but that book would give me skills that I would later find very useful in my healing of C-PTSD. The book teaches you to take your negative inner talk and stop it, and change it into positive inner talk. This is imperative in my situation as negative inner talk is a lot of what makes me tick. Anxiety, low self esteem, fear…these things all plagued my life. I started learning to change my inner thoughts and my life started to change radically. I continued this throughout the last few years and it’s led to an inner light that I can keep shining if I work at it. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when I finally googled “complex post traumatic stress disorder”. To believe I had gone the last two years since my diagnosis thinking it was just a complex form of PTSD! What I read was eyeopening! It was me to a T!

What beautiful words they were. I could imagine myself in an instant reading the symptoms of C-PTSD! It was a complete revelation and since then, I’ve been thirsting for more and more knowledge of it. And connecting so many dots on a superhuman level.

I began talking openly with my friends about it. I began to understand myself better and what it was going to take to get a handle on this. I can’t believe I left my life in such shambles for so long when there was help out there! I just thought I was nuts!

My words of advice? Do not be afraid. Shine. And if you can’t shine, crawl towards the light until you can. You will never do anything more beautiful in your life for yourself. There’s hope. J

Much love. ❤