I did it. I finally owned up as publicly as I could. Hey it’s Facebook but, it was pretty scary, and freeing. At the same time. Whoa life. You rock. ❤
I’ve been moving through some secret motions in life lately. Taking big leaps of faith and exposing my truth to people. Learning about who I am am and what makes me tick. How I can heal my heart and soul from within. A large part of that process is revealing my deepest darkest secrets to people. No longer afraid or feeling ashamed.
So here goes: I see the world with much different eyes than most people. I have been through a lot. By no means am I saying feel sorry for me. But I do want to bring to people’s attention what life can do to people. I try my very best to not pass judgement because I would not want judgement passed on my life. Until you walk in someone’s shoes their whole life in every single environment and situation, you aren’t able to fully grasp what and how and why about them. I can’t express this more that we need to LOVE each other. Life is so very short and it all begins and ends with LOVE. Losing my mom, and many others taught me so much about how connected we all are. In life and in death.
What have I been hiding? The terrible things that have happened in my life that led to a lifetime of mental illness. I have C-PTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago, but I’ve been very un-eased since I was a very young child. I felt a lot of shame growing up, from a family who shunned me as a sort of “black sheep” to kids in school who didn’t understand my sudden mood changes or “flashbacks”. To boyfriends who didn’t understand what was making me tick. To friends who were pushed and pulled through things they didn’t deserve. I’ve been really good at hiding it. I’ve been really good at pushing things under the surface and pretending they aren’t there. But they are, and I am being accountable to myself and everyone now. By saying this in public view. I’ve kept a private-ish blog online since my diagnosis where I’ve been able to voice it, but, at the end of the day, the more we reach out and speak our truths, the more we become part of the collective souls of the universe. The more it makes it ok for people to truly be WHO THEY ARE.
My life is a place of acceptance and love. If that doesn’t suit you, please leave. We’re happy over here. And whole. And living in truth. And love. Love love love. BIG love.