Monthly Archives: September 2013

E-Squared. Experiment One.

http://www.amazon.ca/E-Squared-Do-It-Yourself-Experiments-Thoughts-Reality/dp/1401938906

I am in the process of reading this book and trying out the experiments. I will post as I go through the nine do-it-yourself experiments and what happens in each. Getting ready to have my mind blown by the universal energy of our existence. 😉

 

Sunday September 29th 2:39 pm 

Deadline: October 1st 2:39 pm 

Universe show me the energy of our whole existence by giving me a blessing. I am giving you 48 hours to make your presence known. A clear sign. 

 

We shall see what happens! 😉

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Memories.

The single hardest thing I walk through in my life is my lost memories. 

My brain locked away everything before I was raped at 7. 

I spent the better part of the last 2 years trying EMDR and hypnotherapy to try to access those memories. I was unable to be hypnotized, and the EMDR only got bits and pieces at a time. 

I am now, after having hypnotherapy not work, going back into EMDR. 

I am growing frustrated at wanting this gone and done, SO BADLY, and feeling as though this process is taking longer than I want. 

My patience is wearing. 

My want for a new life, is steering me through waters that maybe I’m not ready to dive into. 

I understand I write the story. That the law of attraction is at play. But I don’t know how to change a story I DO NOT have access to. I can’t just open my mind and say OK, today we tackle abandonment. Tomorrow, the rape. 

I seriously don’t know what to do when it seems my conscious and unconscious are at odds with what they want. 

All I can do is keep trying to gently open up. To continue to grow. To learn. 

Today, I need a lot of love. I’m looking deep within. Shining a light. Time to clean up house. 

 

Freedom.

FREEDOM.

What does it mean to be free?

What if your freedoms in life were taken away?

Would you fight?

Would you cry?

Would you love?

 

I always wanted to come from a place of love in my life. I was doing pretty good. I was manifesting the life I wanted. But sometimes toxic people come into play. How do you give your best intentions to the universe and send love to someone who won’t respect your boundaries? Do you walk away from an abusive, violent, sad, controlling person? Does that fix them? I struggled for so long on what to do when someone like this came into my life. My heart ached for their pain when I decided to remove myself from the situation. How could I be coming from a place of love when I was walking away? How do I get free, and how do I still keep love pouring forth from me? In any difficult situation for that matter?

First things, first. If you are NOT safe, you need to get yourself into a situation where  you are. Call whoever you need to get yourself out.

Secondly, forgive them. Forgiveness is not for them. It is a gift you yourself. Taking back your freedom.

Third, Understanding. We all come through life with very different tracks in the road behind us. We are all a product of our environments and experiences. To know and understand this, is to understand love.

Fourth, take back your life. Take up creative endeavours. Go out dancing. Reconnect with your friends and family. Seek the experiences that bring you back to your true form

Fifth, and this is the hardest one of all…send them love. This one has proven incredibly hard for me. I try to live so much in love, but when your trust and feelings have been torn by someone for so long it’s hard to want to do anything but walk away. But, I bit my tongue, and I held onto the feeling that if I was able to take the hate out of my heart I could send out some love energy to heal. So that’s what I began to do

 

I think that what we sometimes forget is that when we hold something in, when we don’t speak about it, or do something about it, and choose instead to remain motionless and voiceless…we aren’t acting out of love for OURSELVES. Just because it’s not necessarily going to be that positive in reaction for someone, doesn’t mean we should hold ourselves back from doing what is right for us. Taking back our freedom. ❤