Memories.

The single hardest thing I walk through in my life is my lost memories. 

My brain locked away everything before I was raped at 7. 

I spent the better part of the last 2 years trying EMDR and hypnotherapy to try to access those memories. I was unable to be hypnotized, and the EMDR only got bits and pieces at a time. 

I am now, after having hypnotherapy not work, going back into EMDR. 

I am growing frustrated at wanting this gone and done, SO BADLY, and feeling as though this process is taking longer than I want. 

My patience is wearing. 

My want for a new life, is steering me through waters that maybe I’m not ready to dive into. 

I understand I write the story. That the law of attraction is at play. But I don’t know how to change a story I DO NOT have access to. I can’t just open my mind and say OK, today we tackle abandonment. Tomorrow, the rape. 

I seriously don’t know what to do when it seems my conscious and unconscious are at odds with what they want. 

All I can do is keep trying to gently open up. To continue to grow. To learn. 

Today, I need a lot of love. I’m looking deep within. Shining a light. Time to clean up house. 

 

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