Monthly Archives: October 2013

Forgive me.

Forgive me, 

for I have no always been perfect. 

Or kind. 

Or loving. 

Forgive me, 

For I long to set my past free. 

Forgive me, 

For we all deserve a chance to grow,

to change, 

to transform. 

Forgive me, 

for I was driven by the wrong things. 

Forgive me, 

For I was not whole. 

Today, I AM. 

Today, I give back wherever I can. 

Today, I am forgiven. 

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I am.

When the waves crash over, like a giant collision of life itself, I hold on tight, and stand my ground. I am free. I am alive. I am whole. I am abundant. I am loved. I am strong. I am healed. I am a helper. I am a healer. I am a passionate, loving, joyful, happy soul. I am. I am.  ❤

Spiritual Awakening.

I have been meaning to start documenting all that has happened in my life as far as a spiritual awakening. So I suppose I will just start from the beginning and go from there.

In January of 2012, my friend went missing in Whistler, Canada. I felt very drawn to his disappearance. Two days before his body was found, I woke up at 4:44 am. I heard a woman’s voice say Mike’s dead. Things have never been the same since.

I started at that time noticing repeating numbers. I would see them mostly in the clocks around me, but I started to teach myself what they meant and to pay attention.

It was then that I started to experience synchronicity. I would meet people randomly on the street who were talking about the same things I had been thinking about.

I had an angel card reading done, and they were telling me to open up and allow it to flow through my life.

So I did.

I was still in BC, and I felt very close with nature. Very grounded. Sitting by the river in the pouring rain was amazing.

Last July, my mom’s ALS was starting to get worse, so I felt deep within I needed to come back to my hometown. My mom died 3 weeks later. I spent the last 10 days of her life with her in the hospice. She was seeing angels, and all sorts of things. I believe she was fully in this world and the next for the last few days. When she passed away, I was with her. I didn’t know that when people die, they take one last BIG breath after they die. My mom’s lung capacity was so little at that point there’s no way she could have physically taken a breath that deep. I began to understand that her soul had left her body at that point.

That night, I went to sleep and I had a dream about my mom being taken out of the hospice and put into a body bag, and she was screaming for me. She was still alive. I came to understand that perhaps I was experiencing her crossing over with her. The confusion.

The day after she died, I saw my first butterfly. I was laying on the beach (a thing she loved to do) and a butterfly landed right in front of my face.

A week later, at her funeral I received two gifts from my close friends and both had butterflies on them. I hadn’t told anyone I’d been seeing butterflies.

August turned into quite the month, with 4 more deaths. 2 on August 31st. A murder, and a car accident. Both young.

Around this time I was visited for the first time by my mom in a dream. I did not see her, but I felt her, and knew it was her and had an overwhelming sense of warm fuzzy feelings.

One of the people who died on August 31, 2012 was a girl named Amy. She was a dancer for my company. She was murdered.

On October 31st, I was visited by her. I was at a concert for one of her favorite djs and all of a sudden it was like a sonic BOOM hit me, and I could feel her there. I broke into tears in the middle of this 3000 person deep crowd. It was AMAZING. It was my first waking life visitation.

My mom continued to visit me or give me signs. I’ve had a musical jewelry box (given to me at her funeral) start playing for a minute straight without being open or wound up.

On mothers day this year, my power surged as I hit post talking about missing her.

The repeating numbers in 2013 have been a much more common, almost daily, occurence. And they started showing up in things other than clocks. A bill from the local coffee shop. $4.44. Licence plates, phone numbers.

Two months ago, my heart chakra opened. I can only describe this as a feeling of flowing moving energy and unusual heart beats for two days straight. The heart chakra helps with self acceptance and love.

It was then that I decided to start talking about my mental illness and my struggles, publicly. I began to live in my whole truth. No longer afraid to hide or be afraid of being my true self.

As of the last month, things have become more intense in my life. After talking about a side project I’m working on, I kept seeing 777 or 7777 everywhere. Which essentially means you’re on your divine life path. So I’m very excited to see where that takes me.

It’s gotten so easy to ask my guides for assistance that I just look to the sky and say show me the way, and a vehicle drove by with 2222 on it’s licence place right after.

Or, as I was walking along the river, I looked up and said Universe show me love! And looked down to see a heart shaped rock at my feet.

Recently, in the last few weeks though, things have become very strange. I’ve begun to see things that are not of this dimension. I have been seeing orgone, which is the universal life energy. A portal. My first spirit. Rainbow clouds. I was gifted a painting during my energy experiments that looks like a portal. As I believe my crown chakra is opening, I think it’s no accident that painting came into my life at that time.

Through this process I’ve met many teachers and recently I have been attracting people in my life who need assistance. To the point of them literally knocking at my door. One night as I was coming home a couple weekends ago, I saw a guy about my age, struggling to bring stuff into my building. I’d never met him before. I asked him where he was coming from, as it was 4 am. He said he had been in rehab for opiates/hydromorph for 6 weeks. Well, my intuition tells me that something wasn’t right. That night, I started seeing a specific part of my wall start to morph. At one point it looked like my friend Amy’s face was coming out of the wall. Well, I know when I feel loved ones who have passed I feel very loving and warm. This was not the case. I started experiencing frustrations in life and feeling tired alot. I picked up some sort of shape shifting entity from the addict. I have done a smudge and it is gone, but if I continue to help this person I must be careful to cleanse my energy and space.

Last week, after expressing my confusion as to where my life path is leading, a mix I was listening to, stopped itself at 3:33. That was the first time that something was deliberatly manipulated to show me something. 333 means your guides are telling you to ask them for guidance on showing your life path.

A lot of this is very new to me, but it is exciting. I am not afraid. I am open to receiving the gifts that are coming to me.

It’s a new era, and this, is just the tip of the iceberg. 😉 ❤

Energy Experiment Number One : Results + Intro of Energy Experiment Number Two

Ok so, the results are in for experiment one:

An hour after I made the intention, I was gifted with a painting, that strangely enough, looks like a portal. hah. 

I thought I was done an hour after I began, but another big blessing in disguise came just before the deadline. 

After trying hypnotherapy and learning I am not able to be hypnotized, I’ve been waiting the last two weeks to be moved to an EMDR therapist. Yesterday an hour before the deadline, I got an email from the hypnotherapist that basically said, “the EMDR therapist has reviewed your case and doesn’t think you’re a good fit. We wish you the best.” So well, given a history of abandonment and feeling rejected, this set off an emotional flashback. I was MAD. I was SAD. Then I started looking elsewhere at private therapists, only to realize that my costs were going to double if not triple. SAD 😦 So in that moment I decided to again look at my health spending account. Low and behold, therapy IS covered…haha. So, not only can I pay for a new therapist and make sure I find a great one, but, I also get hundreds of dollars in back pay from my insurance. How’s that for a blessing? Thanks Universe. 

 

Experiment Two. 

This experiment is broken into two 24 hour periods. The first is try to attract a specific color of car. I chose green, because well it’s not that common here. 

Results: I saw no less than 23 green vehicles on my way home from work. A 5 min bus ride. Literally saw one every 10 seconds or so at some points. So I’m going to keep counting my way through til tomorrow afternoon and report back. 

 

Oh ya! YAYYYY for searching and finding a great EMDR therapist right away too!