Through my entire experience dealing with C-PTSD I only had what I could recognize as emotional flashbacks, or upheavals of emotion out of nowhere.
This morning, upon awakening, I had what I would consider my first real memory flashback. It’s not a memory that I had forgotten, so it must have been sometime after the rape, but very close to it. I think I’m closing in on that time in my life.
I became overwhelmed with thoughts of this particular incident that happened probably around the age of 7, my brother was still in a stroller, so that’s how I’m gauging my timing. A man was following my mom, my brother in the stroller and me walking beside. In our neighborhood he followed us almost home. I remember him knowing I saw him and flashing a gun. All these thoughts came pouring into my mind all at once this morning.
What is interesting is what I did next. I started using EMDR on myself. I moved my eyes back and forth, side to side, as I envisioned myself running away to safety and telling myself I am safe and breathing through it. It passed.
I knew I may have flashbacks after my last session but I thought they’d be in regards to the rape. This wasn’t but it was very very close to that time in my life. I’m closing in on it. It’s starting to come out and heal. Whoa.
I am stoked on this development. YAY! 🙂