Last week in my EMDR we focused specifically on the rape. I was getting body memories coming up….tons of them. It left me quite open and not feeling like myself. The past week I have been having a hard time staying asleep feeling quite agigated. I did a reiki session to get the energy flowing properly, and today I could feel energy moving around in my chest and chin and I thought it was anxiety until right before my session when the energy then centred around my third eye chakra. I went into my session feeling that energy moving in a circle on my brow. This time, I started to remember or “know” what happened after the rape. Then literally all of a sudden I KNEW everything. I didn’t get a flashback but I was putting all the pieces together! Then, came the anger….oh the anger. Then a feeling of being nauseous. We left it at the anger. My therapist said to go home and get that anger out in a positive way, so I’m writing this and I’m going to do some painting. When we were ending the session and going into my safe place I could feel my mom with me. I think this was a day both of us were very much waiting for. And even though she’s not here physically she was most definitely there with me today.
End result? I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY! I finally had the breakthrough I had been waiting for, for 20 years! YIPPEE!