This year has been a struggle. Through crazy illness, and not being able to do what I love most, which is dance. I am still recovering. I still flare up. Today I am stuck in bed with another flare up in my leg.
There is a festival in the mountains of beautiful BC Canada, called Shambhala. It is home. It is in 12 days. I missed last year. I missed home.
I am supposed to go back this year, and boy do I ever need that loving beautiful community right now. As it stands I’m bringing my crutches and air cast, to have on standby in case I need them.
It might be a quieter year for me. But that’s ok. Because the vibes are what I need. The calming hugs from strangers. The little gifts of life it brings.
Whether I am walking or dancing or not, I’m coming home.
Home is where I need to be. With all the other 15,000 dancing souls. ❤
Lost in a new world,
Wondering whether to step back,
Or step forward.
Whether to be strong,
Or stay comfortable.
Tears run down,
Not sure where to turn.
A visit to my hometown which I moved from earlier this year left me in tears yesterday. I have such an amazing group of friends there, and moving to another province has left me feeling kinda lonely, and kinda upset. I miss my friends so much, but my lifestyle out here makes so much more sense, and teaching dance will be better here.
I tried to move away before, a couple times, and I kept moving back. Sometimes for reasons out of my control. I really don’t want to live there. I just wish I could transport my friends with me.
I often wonder if this is part of having C-PTSD. Whether I am hyper sensitive to changes such as this. It’s a big change for anyone. But I have such a hard time feeling free in a situation I’m not comfortable in yet.
I feel as though I haven’t met anyone out here who jives with who I am. Who is like my friends at home.
They say home is where the heart is. But my home is with my friends, and with the beautiful place I live in. I feel pulled in two entirely different directions. I know I need to be strong because this is the right decision for myself, but the transition is not proving to be very fun.
I just feel stuck.