Monthly Archives: November 2014

Facebook.

So about two weeks ago I requested to have my Facebook permanently deleted.

Well, they don’t actually delete it for 14 days in which you have time to “change your mind”.

I didn’t change my mind.

In fact I completely forgot haha.

Good riddance!  😉

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Restless.

Sometimes I get really restless in life and make rash decisions that I regret.

But most times these decisions bring me to places and people and experiences that help me grow.

I’m getting restless again.

I’m in the in between place.

My old life gone almost completely.

Yet I miss it and some people from it.

But I know I can’t go back.

And I know where I want to go.

But getting sick slowed everything down.

Wait…I was supposed to learn patience.

Is this another test? 

I just want my new life to begin.

I wiped the slate.

Let’s begin!

Sheesh! 

New moon tomorrow!

I am so very drawn to the new moon. It always seems like such an exciting time. And this is no exception as we move into the sun sign of Sagittarius on the same day! I’m also anticipating when Saturn moves into Sag as this marks the beginning of what I believe shall be interesting times as its my Saturn Return. It does this on Christmas Eve and hey my birthday is exactly a week later! I’ll be 29 and holy moly the last year of my 20’s will be a big one I can feel it!

I even suspect the slowing down of my life due to illness and personal choices has wiped the slate clean for what new and exciting things shall come!

So,
Tomorrow I will use this new moon energy to map out my wishes for the future.

Excited!!! ^.^

This one is going to go weird…

So. Almost a year ago I had psychic reading done by a woman. I’d won this reading a metaphysical meet up of sorts.

I didn’t think too much of it but this woman was so bang on about so many things. One of the things that she touched on was that when I was painting it helped me channel messages from the other side.  So I took her advice and I continued to intuitively paint.

In January of this year ( so about a month after my reading) I finally cracked open my childhood amnesia and was able to heal my past using EMDR therapy.  I wrote about that in the blog. What was interesting is that the day I went to the appointment where my memories came back I had energy swirling around my third eye Chakra.  My mind was letting go and opening.  It was pretty wild. During that session I could feel my mom there with me as well. 

That was an incredibly huge day I’d been waiting 20 years for.

A few days later I had the urge to paint.
OK….not just like oh I wanted to paint. We are talking primal urge. Hands shaking like something needed to get out…NOW! 

I did as I had done before and smudged my apartment and lit incense and played calming music.

My hands were anything but calm.

What came out of this painting was an image of the dark goddess also known by many other names such as Hecate and Kali. 

At the time after just pushing through 20 years of mental illness I took this as a sign that she had helped me transmute my trauma/darkness and move forward.

I am willing to fully admit I was wrong and what I was up against was still to come.

Less than two weeks later I had fallen ill. So ill as I’d never been in my entire life. Bedridden. Excruciating pain.

You can read previous blog posts if you need a refresher on what happened. 

But. No. Hecate showed herself to me because it was time for some DEEP transition and change in life.

A dark night of the soul.

It pulled me so far deep into my psyche and grabbed out all my fears about my life and silly lies I’d told myself about who I am.

What’s also interesting to note is the fact that the illness I was struck down with isn’t something that people get better from.

What I have surmised from this is that my particular case of illness was for a reason. Once that reason had been healed…it stopped. Imagine that. Hah.

But seriously?  Did I actually predict my illness?

Must pay more attention to signs. 😉

Adulthood?

image

As I sit on the eve of my first Saturn Return I am catching myself wondering about what it means to have grown.  I look back on my childish behavior and life over the last ten years and wonder is this what it feels like to have finally grown up? 

Certainly it was chock full of growing pains and heartache. I have been put through the ringer the last few years and I wonder what Saturn has in store for me. I know there is more to come. 

But what has happened through this year is a great slow down.  Partially because of my illness and partially because I made a conscious choice to stop living a childish existence. 

I left behind a life I could still be living.  A very public spotlight.  Performing in front of thousands of people in hundreds of shows a year. But there was a dark side to it as well. It was an ego driven thing.  Sure.  I love dance. But I loved being loved.  And have spent the majority of my life looking for it in all the wrong places.  I didn’t love myself.  I loved the image I projected. But that image no longer exists.  Getting sick took care of that. 

And then I slowly undid the doings of my life as I deleted social media profiles and cut the unnecessary people out of my life.  The people who only knew the face I put on. 

What I’m really stuck on is where I fit into the world now. 

I long to find my tribe.

I have experienced so many strange unusual spiritual paranormal things over the last 3 years that I have a hard time connecting with lots of people.

What a strange place to be.  Standing at the precipice of adulthood. No longer fitting in the old child like ways.  But still not quite there. 

Saturn.  I think I’m ready for you. 😉

And edit:

The universe just showed this video to me :
The Innovation of Loneliness: http://youtu.be/c6Bkr_udado

Weird

Tamara’s Story – Ciprofloxacin Effects

This was the story I wrote when I first got sick earlier this year from an antibiotic called Cipro. I have come a very long way. It’s been over 10 months and this was written at 7 weeks out. I have healed. I have come through the darkness and I am finally getting my life back on track. What a year!

Fluoroquinolone Wall of Pain

Tamara FQwall

I was floxed by Ciprofloxacin February 4th of this year. I took two 500 mg doses of it, and began to feel like my leg was swelling, so I discontinued use. Two days later I was in the emergency room with what they thought was a blood clot. All tests came back negative. At this point any doctors I spoke to didn’t believe it was the cipro and I even had a nurse laugh at the suggestion of it.

It was then that I decided to look into it online and it opened up an entirely new, and scary world for me. Over the first week the pain began. I was in excruciating pain, it felt like my leg was being ripped apart. I was diagnosed with “tendon issues”, maybe tendonitis from my doctor and given percocet for pain and no other options.

I began a strict eating plan…

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Something new. Food?

I developed an egg allergy recently and I’ve been missing egg laden things like pasta salad and perogies.  Today I threw together some vegan and gluten free pasta salad on a whim. It turned out good so I’m sharing 🙂

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It has gluten free brown rice pasta, kale, carrots, green onion , cucumber and red pepper.

The sauce is:
1/2 cup Veganaise
Tbsp of mustard
Tbsp of vinegar ( I used white balsamic
Squeeze of lemon
Tbsp of parsley (dried)
Tsp each of dill salt and pepper
Touch of honey

Yum yum!

Angel visions.

I wanted to share a story I haven’t shared about my illness earlier this year.

In case you haven’t read my blog before I will explain. 

In February 2014 I was prescribed a drug called Cipro (ciprofloxacin) for a suspected but never confirmed kidney infection. (To this day I don’t believe I ever actually had one).

I took two pills of the antibiotic and felt like my right leg was swelling. 4 days later my leg was in such excruciating pain and seizing up that I could not walk. I was bedridden for 3.5 months and having to take percocet on a timer…literally. If I did not the pain that felt like my leg was being ripped apart would come back. Over the 3.5 months I developed head tremor, anxiety, panic attacks, shooting and electrical shock like pains through my body, among many other symptoms.

During this time I was often in and out of consciousness because of the heavy pain medication I was taking.

During one of these days I was so desperate for some relief after literally bawling and ripping my hair out wondering why this happened to me.

I was so desperate I was willing to try anything.

I called on Archangel Michael.

Later that day I experienced a closed eye vision of a very tall blue man. He must have been 10 ft tall. He wasn’t so much blue but he glowed that color. He did not have wings.

This being sat on the end of the bed for the whole day. Watching over me I think.

Shortly after this visitation I started seeing a naturopath who treated me with myofascial release on my leg and then eventually Glutathione IV’s.  The glutathione turned the tables.

I had been getting sicker and sicker until that point. After the first IV I could straighten my leg and after the second the other symptoms went away completely.

At 99 days after taking 2 pills I started to walk. 

Fast forward to September of this year I went through a 4 week relapse in illness.  This can happen. 

I’m almost 11 months past this and I still struggle but I am healing.

I won’t ever forget my visitation in my dire time of need. I wanted to die I was in such severe pain. I mean I didn’t really…but I was so desperate.

I’m still figuring out spirituality since I opened the door almost 3 years ago. But I do believe angels are very real.

Rest in Peace Chris Dannelly – Levaquin Poisoning

May this man rest in peace and his family find justice for their loss.

I am also a floxie. My flox date was February 4th 2014. Same as him I took only two pills. 😦

Why am I recovering while another died? Why are these drugs even given out at all?

If you’re not aware of the risk of Fluoroquinolone antibiotics please please learn and keep you and your loved ones safe.

Fluoroquinolone Wall of Pain

Chris FQWall

NOT to be used as a first line of defense.
Billion of dollars are spent every year on the damage these drugs cause ripping people lives apart.

Who Cares? Not Johnson and Johnson

In December 2012, the Dannelly family posed happily for their Christmas card photo blissfully unaware that it would be their last. One month later Levaquin changed their lives forever. Chris Dannelly (beloved husband and father), came down with a bad cold and went to see a doctor over the weekend. He was diagnosed with pneumonia and was given two pills of Levaquin. Unfortunately, he had an immediate adverse reaction to the fluoroquinolone antibiotics, and began experiencing excruciating limb pain.

Kathy Dannelly (Chris’s wife) took him to see their family physician the following Monday. At that time his doctor saw no sign of pneumonia, but it was too late, he had already taken two pills of Levaquin unnecessarily…

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