Speak no evil.

I posted a little while ago a post entitled “Mommy Wars” about women who are either pregnant or have children who like to get in huge heated debates with each other over things like vaccination etc.

I’ve chosen to have a midwife assisted birth, and I am 90% sold on a home birth, close to the hospital if I need a transfer. Obviously, this is my first child and I don’t know how labor and delivery will go for me.

When discussing my choice on a message board I was essentially attacked by someone claiming to be a medical doctor (ER doc) about my choice and how stupid it was.

I certainly don’t feel the same.

There’s another forum on the same website where I wanted to ask a question about delayed vaccination schedules in Canada…but low and behold, that same woman is on there yelling at people about vaccination too.

It’s really frustrating to feel like the place I am going to ask questions and seek advice as a first time mom…is turning into a place I’m afraid to express my feelings on certain topics.

Because of how sick I was last year in large part due to the pharmaceutical industry and doctors….I am very wary about things. But this view has seen me being attacked online.

I don’t know where to turn for real, unbiased advice. :\

5 thoughts on “Speak no evil.

  1. Try not to take too seriously the opinions of the small minded (easier said than done though :o)

    From what you’ve experienced I can fully understand your concerns with the medical profession and with drugs etc..
    I think you’re being very smart to way up the pros and cons..

    I had 2 babies at home and 2 in the hospital. (2 different doctors and 2 different midwives)

    My suggestions would be to pick a midwife you feel 100% sure about on a gut level – you click basically, and that she is a grounded and a good hearted person who listens to you and respects your needs.

    Communicate with her and tell her your story – a good one will hear you and understand… (Keep looking until you find the right one) – this is my numero uno advice and something that can make all the difference in the type of birth you experience whether at home or in the hospital.

    Tell her in advance what your hopes are … obviously as minimal drugs as possible and as minimal interference as possible.

    I found that there are excellent doctors, inferior doctors, downright lazy doctors. Excellent midwives, inferior midwives, downright lazy midwives … it’s all in who you choose.

    Seriously some are just naturals and seem to understand what you need and what your capabilities are .. I only had one like that (a young hospital nurse with my first..)

    Also I know you’ve recovered from c-ptsd, but sensitive souls need a calming environment to give birth whether that be at home or in hospital.

    A great support person or advocate (someone who can speak on your behalf if need be).. whether that be a midwife or partner/friend is a must.

    Next suggestion would be plan for a home birth but to be flexible… sometimes plans change.

    Like you, I am highly skeptical of the medical profession but it does have it’s place and so do drugs in certain situations (like injury, trauma, accident etc …) In those times pain relief and the ability to have much needed sleep is far better than prolonged trauma..


  2. I am sorry that you are feeling so beleaguered at a time when you should be joyfully looking forward to your new arrival. It has been 29 years since I last gave birth and I live in England so I don’t know how valuable the advice I can give you but here goes.
    1, Do what feels right for you and your baby, I always found that going to a group that was specifically about childbirth was very useful and impartial. Forums tend to be rubbish for this type of advice. They also give fabulous support. I’ll bet you can Google them
    2. As you have mentioned it twice, please do consider vaccination. The research regarding MMR and autism has been roundly discredited, herd immunity is so important, I am not a medic but I work for Public Health England and am aware what measles can do to a young child and the damage rubella can do to the unborn child if the mother gets it in pregnancy
    3. Lastly and most importantly go with what you want, trust your instinct that you have as a woman and a soon to be mother, it will help you decide what you want and don’t want. You know best for you and when you stop worrying about other peoples advice, no matter how good it is, you will get your own answers. Don’t expect the experience to be perfect, but you can make it as good as it possibly can be with the outcome you want

    1. I am vaccinated against MMR. I had a booster at age 21. And I do plan on vaccinating. Just doing a delayed/alternative schedule. Especially doing just one at a time, to make sure that no reactions happen. Because of my multiple chemical sensitivities and my own brother’s epilepsy that developed after vaccines, I want to make sure that if one of them becomes an issue we know exactly which one it is.

      And yes, I am learning to trust my gut. 🙂 Thanks.

      1. Best Wishes to you and I hope everything goes well. Whatever other might say or you feel they are saying to you, you certainly seem to have the right idea

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