Tag Archives: abuse

Freedom.

FREEDOM.

What does it mean to be free?

What if your freedoms in life were taken away?

Would you fight?

Would you cry?

Would you love?

 

I always wanted to come from a place of love in my life. I was doing pretty good. I was manifesting the life I wanted. But sometimes toxic people come into play. How do you give your best intentions to the universe and send love to someone who won’t respect your boundaries? Do you walk away from an abusive, violent, sad, controlling person? Does that fix them? I struggled for so long on what to do when someone like this came into my life. My heart ached for their pain when I decided to remove myself from the situation. How could I be coming from a place of love when I was walking away? How do I get free, and how do I still keep love pouring forth from me? In any difficult situation for that matter?

First things, first. If you are NOT safe, you need to get yourself into a situation where  you are. Call whoever you need to get yourself out.

Secondly, forgive them. Forgiveness is not for them. It is a gift you yourself. Taking back your freedom.

Third, Understanding. We all come through life with very different tracks in the road behind us. We are all a product of our environments and experiences. To know and understand this, is to understand love.

Fourth, take back your life. Take up creative endeavours. Go out dancing. Reconnect with your friends and family. Seek the experiences that bring you back to your true form

Fifth, and this is the hardest one of all…send them love. This one has proven incredibly hard for me. I try to live so much in love, but when your trust and feelings have been torn by someone for so long it’s hard to want to do anything but walk away. But, I bit my tongue, and I held onto the feeling that if I was able to take the hate out of my heart I could send out some love energy to heal. So that’s what I began to do

 

I think that what we sometimes forget is that when we hold something in, when we don’t speak about it, or do something about it, and choose instead to remain motionless and voiceless…we aren’t acting out of love for OURSELVES. Just because it’s not necessarily going to be that positive in reaction for someone, doesn’t mean we should hold ourselves back from doing what is right for us. Taking back our freedom. ❤

The Seed.

C-PTSD.

The words jumped out the screen at me. I never knew the answer to all my life’s questions could be answered in 5 little words and a hyphen.

How incredibly mind blowing my journey has been. To have answers, to have truth. To be TRUTH.

Owning up to my journey and the battles has been incredibly healing in and of itself. When I began to talk about my mental illness, I realized I was NOT alone. That many struggle with mental illness as well and even if they don’t, they are receptive and loving. They are there.

I feel like I went my whole life feeling as though I was alone. That nobody understood me. That I was shameful. That I was wrong. That I was a bad person. That I couldn’t expose my true self to others or I would be shunned.

I wanted so much to be accepted and loved, that I accepted far less than I was worth and didn’t feel that I deserved more.

The turning point began several years ago when a friend gave me a copy of the book The Secret. I didn’t know it then, but that book would give me skills that I would later find very useful in my healing of C-PTSD. The book teaches you to take your negative inner talk and stop it, and change it into positive inner talk. This is imperative in my situation as negative inner talk is a lot of what makes me tick. Anxiety, low self esteem, fear…these things all plagued my life. I started learning to change my inner thoughts and my life started to change radically. I continued this throughout the last few years and it’s led to an inner light that I can keep shining if I work at it. It’s not easy, but it’s definitely worth it.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago when I finally googled “complex post traumatic stress disorder”. To believe I had gone the last two years since my diagnosis thinking it was just a complex form of PTSD! What I read was eyeopening! It was me to a T!

What beautiful words they were. I could imagine myself in an instant reading the symptoms of C-PTSD! It was a complete revelation and since then, I’ve been thirsting for more and more knowledge of it. And connecting so many dots on a superhuman level.

I began talking openly with my friends about it. I began to understand myself better and what it was going to take to get a handle on this. I can’t believe I left my life in such shambles for so long when there was help out there! I just thought I was nuts!

My words of advice? Do not be afraid. Shine. And if you can’t shine, crawl towards the light until you can. You will never do anything more beautiful in your life for yourself. There’s hope. J

Much love. ❤