Tag Archives: awakening

This one is going to go weird…

So. Almost a year ago I had psychic reading done by a woman. I’d won this reading a metaphysical meet up of sorts.

I didn’t think too much of it but this woman was so bang on about so many things. One of the things that she touched on was that when I was painting it helped me channel messages from the other side.  So I took her advice and I continued to intuitively paint.

In January of this year ( so about a month after my reading) I finally cracked open my childhood amnesia and was able to heal my past using EMDR therapy.  I wrote about that in the blog. What was interesting is that the day I went to the appointment where my memories came back I had energy swirling around my third eye Chakra.  My mind was letting go and opening.  It was pretty wild. During that session I could feel my mom there with me as well. 

That was an incredibly huge day I’d been waiting 20 years for.

A few days later I had the urge to paint.
OK….not just like oh I wanted to paint. We are talking primal urge. Hands shaking like something needed to get out…NOW! 

I did as I had done before and smudged my apartment and lit incense and played calming music.

My hands were anything but calm.

What came out of this painting was an image of the dark goddess also known by many other names such as Hecate and Kali. 

At the time after just pushing through 20 years of mental illness I took this as a sign that she had helped me transmute my trauma/darkness and move forward.

I am willing to fully admit I was wrong and what I was up against was still to come.

Less than two weeks later I had fallen ill. So ill as I’d never been in my entire life. Bedridden. Excruciating pain.

You can read previous blog posts if you need a refresher on what happened. 

But. No. Hecate showed herself to me because it was time for some DEEP transition and change in life.

A dark night of the soul.

It pulled me so far deep into my psyche and grabbed out all my fears about my life and silly lies I’d told myself about who I am.

What’s also interesting to note is the fact that the illness I was struck down with isn’t something that people get better from.

What I have surmised from this is that my particular case of illness was for a reason. Once that reason had been healed…it stopped. Imagine that. Hah.

But seriously?  Did I actually predict my illness?

Must pay more attention to signs. 😉

Angel visions.

I wanted to share a story I haven’t shared about my illness earlier this year.

In case you haven’t read my blog before I will explain. 

In February 2014 I was prescribed a drug called Cipro (ciprofloxacin) for a suspected but never confirmed kidney infection. (To this day I don’t believe I ever actually had one).

I took two pills of the antibiotic and felt like my right leg was swelling. 4 days later my leg was in such excruciating pain and seizing up that I could not walk. I was bedridden for 3.5 months and having to take percocet on a timer…literally. If I did not the pain that felt like my leg was being ripped apart would come back. Over the 3.5 months I developed head tremor, anxiety, panic attacks, shooting and electrical shock like pains through my body, among many other symptoms.

During this time I was often in and out of consciousness because of the heavy pain medication I was taking.

During one of these days I was so desperate for some relief after literally bawling and ripping my hair out wondering why this happened to me.

I was so desperate I was willing to try anything.

I called on Archangel Michael.

Later that day I experienced a closed eye vision of a very tall blue man. He must have been 10 ft tall. He wasn’t so much blue but he glowed that color. He did not have wings.

This being sat on the end of the bed for the whole day. Watching over me I think.

Shortly after this visitation I started seeing a naturopath who treated me with myofascial release on my leg and then eventually Glutathione IV’s.  The glutathione turned the tables.

I had been getting sicker and sicker until that point. After the first IV I could straighten my leg and after the second the other symptoms went away completely.

At 99 days after taking 2 pills I started to walk. 

Fast forward to September of this year I went through a 4 week relapse in illness.  This can happen. 

I’m almost 11 months past this and I still struggle but I am healing.

I won’t ever forget my visitation in my dire time of need. I wanted to die I was in such severe pain. I mean I didn’t really…but I was so desperate.

I’m still figuring out spirituality since I opened the door almost 3 years ago. But I do believe angels are very real.

Random Thoughts.

When I was younger, I began writing my life story. From a very young age I felt my journey was to be something I could share and help others with. Boy was I wildly off at that point. So many more things have happened after the last two years. 

Through unimaginable pain and losing no less than 7 people in 2012, to spontaneously setting off a spiritual awakening through those deaths, to becoming someone other people come to for advice, to FINALLY unlocking my amnesia and freeing myself of C-PTSD..what a ride it’s been. 

So now it’s got me thinking again, should I document this in great detail. Should I start that book again? 

And also, people have been coming to me a lot with sick parents, asking me how I seemed to have floated through the passing of my mom…and believe me, the deaths taught me A LOT about how to deal. Maybe I can start by writing about that.