Tag Archives: baby

Missing my mom.

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been very very busy working a lot.

Pregnancy is going well, I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and we find out the gender in two weeks! I am so hoping for a girl. ๐Ÿ™‚

Part of me feels as though I have been waiting for this baby for a long time. When I was 17 I got pregnant. I chose to have an abortion at that time. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Oddly, that was the year of the sheep, and so is this year. Another strange similarity is that the man I was seeing back ย then and the one I am seeing now are both Aries. As is my mom, who passed away. When I had the abortion she found out after I had already done it….she told me she wished I hadn’t. That she would have helped me.

Now I feel as though this baby has been a long time coming, and will have a connection to my mom in spirit.

I have had a girl’s name picked out since back then, 12 years ago as well.

But part of me thinks I hope it’s a girl because I want to have the mother-daughter connection, and in some ways it will bring me closer to my own mom.

Some days I just get overwhelmed with sadness that’s she not here to experience this life changing event with me. I have to remind myself that she is always around, but, it’s just not the same. I long to talk to her, to see her, to feel her.

Sometimes I get scared too. Like what if I don’t know how to do something and I can’t call her? Who will I call when the baby takes their first steps? Why shouldn’t she be the first call?

I miss her. My heart aches for my mom. I wish I could just curl up in her arms again. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

End of year reflection…and some big news

As I sit here and reflect on this year I wonder how much this year has helped me grow into a woman. I left behind a lot of things.

Illness plagued this year. Considering I spent approximately 5 months early this year bedridden and yet I am healthy today is a feat like no other. A miracle if you will.  Floxing changed everything about how I interact with the world. What substances I will put in my home and in my body. Chemicals are everywhere and I’m keeping my environment as natural as possible. 

Being sick also led to an even greater understanding of how very short life is. We only get one chance at life…well this one at least…so it’s pertinent to remember this and keep our dreams big and our hearts open.

My birthday is New Years Eve and I will be 29 this year. I have one last year of my 20’s and this is bringing about change as well.

My Saturn Return also falls over the next year. I’ve written several posts wondering about what my Saturn Return might mean.

Well, I do know one thing I will be doing…

My big news..

I am expecting my first child next year!

BIG changes on the way it seems. ๐Ÿ™‚

And such a wonderful gift after struggling through this year.

I am excited and ecstatic!