Last week in my EMDR we focused specifically on the rape. I was getting body memories coming up….tons of them. It left me quite open and not feeling like myself. The past week I have been having a hard time staying asleep feeling quite agigated. I did a reiki session to get the energy flowing properly, and today I could feel energy moving around in my chest and chin and I thought it was anxiety until right before my session when the energy then centred around my third eye chakra. I went into my session feeling that energy moving in a circle on my brow. This time, I started to remember or “know” what happened after the rape. Then literally all of a sudden I KNEW everything. I didn’t get a flashback but I was putting all the pieces together! Then, came the anger….oh the anger. Then a feeling of being nauseous. We left it at the anger. My therapist said to go home and get that anger out in a positive way, so I’m writing this and I’m going to do some painting. When we were ending the session and going into my safe place I could feel my mom with me. I think this was a day both of us were very much waiting for. And even though she’s not here physically she was most definitely there with me today.
End result? I AM SOOOOOOO HAPPY! I finally had the breakthrough I had been waiting for, for 20 years! YIPPEE!
I’ve been doing some chakra meditation and healing specifically related to my past sexual trauma. Interestingly enough, I had spider fall right in my face the next day. Spiders are represented by creative feminine energy. This is blocked when you have a blocked sacral and solar plexus chakra as I do. The very fact that I wasn’t afraid of it shows me that I have been releasing that from myself.
I also put two and two together in relation to the back and forth abnormal pap tests I’ve had for years. As I’ve been harboring so much pain from my past in those areas of my body, I have created dis-ease.
Healing myself through meditation and visualizations is becoming a daily ritual in my life. I’ve been doing daily if not twice daily energy cleansing on myself for weeks now, and I feel amazing after I do so. Now, I am taking what I’ve learned and directing it specifically to the chakras and points of resistance in myself, opening up waves of energy to flow freely.
I am healing myself. We all have this amazing ability to heal our own body, mind and soul. Remembering that, is taking us back to where we belong in this universe. To who and what we truly are.
I remember, who and what I am. And even though I may never have the memories from my early childhood back, I have been able to somewhat bypass that and find my true soul nature anyways. And in the process I’ve healed a lot of the wounds myself.
There is still lots of work to do but I know I’m SO on the right path.
I am in love with life.
I am in love with my progress.
I am in love with the beauty I see all around me.
I am in love with who I am.