I connect to the innermost parts of my heart of hearts and soul of soul.
I connect with the universe as a whole.
I connect with nature.
I connect with animals and other humans and beings.
I connect with my inner being, the divine within.
I remember, I remember.
I am burst wide open with joy and possibility.
Letting go of the ego.
Letting go of shame.
Letting go of guilt.
I WILL BE.
BECAUSE MY SOUL IS ALIVE.
AND I CAN.
As much as darkness can creep into the heart of a person with a dis-ease, a day like this sure can brighten up the sour-est mood. What a beauty!
I walked home today. Raised my face to the sun and let it’s energy pour down over me like a waterfall. I feel so at peace in the sunshine. Yay beautiful days! ❤
Since July I’ve been living in a haze. My life stood still. I stopped working. I stopped keeping up relationships. I stopped keeping up friendships. I just literally stopped living. I lost interest in everything. I fell into drugs and alcohol again, even though trying to keep my head above water.
I wouldn’t say I was in a depression, but I most certainly was experiencing a serious bout of grief and loss. I started therapy again, only to give up after 2 sessions. I was offered a job, but backed out saying I wasn’t ready to go back yet. I even stopped doing the healthy things I needed for myself, like aromatherapy steams and sauna. I literally just stopped everything altogether.
I layed in bed most days barely eating, unable to get up.
When my mom passed away, I thought I was dealing with it pretty well. I kept myself together, and then another person died, then two others. I’m not sure whether my slump lately has been because of my mom’s death or the unbearable amount of losses in one short amount of time.
I’m not really sure what to do right now. I feel like maybe if I go back to work part time I’d start to ease myself back into life again. Another part of me thinks I need to be in some sort of inpatient program. Because of all this lately, and because of my past issues. That I really need to buckle down and figure this out.
I don’t know. I’m not sad really, I’m not upset. I’m just….lost.