Two and a half months ago before I got sick, I was experimenting with intuitive painting. I had been doing this recently, and a psychic session revealed it was something that I should continue doing as it helped me tap in. Part of my spiritual awakening has been some fairly interesting encounters with psychic phenomenon, and rather than shy away from it as I may have done in the past, I delved deeper into it.
Two weeks before i became sick, I had a day where I needed to paint SO badly my hands were shaking, something needed to get out. I cleared my space with sage and lit candles and set off to work. What came of that painting was what I realized was the dark goddess and a single eye. At the time, I had just finished my EMDR therapy to unlock my post traumatic amnesia. I thought the painting was a reference to the dark goddess’ ability to help transform the shadow self, and felt as though I had just done that.
Boy was I wrong.
I have now come to a greater understanding of what this illness has meant. It was meant to bring me to the depths of my greatest fears and face them head on. The fear of not being able to dance would be the most devastating thing in the world to me. So here, I had to face it head on because I was unable to dance.
I did not ask or invoke this. It came to me.
The pain I endured is something that will remind me of this. A reminder again, of how precious life and vitality is. I understand that each time I have journeyed with the dark goddess I have experienced many painful times in my life, but I have come out of it a much better person having transformed my shadow self a little more.
As soon as I realized what this illness was, and surrendered to it…I mean I literally said I let go of all outcomes in this situation…I relinquished control…I was free…
I have had almost a complete remission in my symptoms since a few days ago.
Just like that. Like I had finally learned the lesson this was meant to bring. And I had transformed.
Like a pheonix rising, like the warrior goddess I am, I ROSE.
And I rise, up and up and up.
BAM! It feels good.
Don’t be afraid of your dark. Embrace it, transform it. Love it.