Tag Archives: intuitive painting

This one is going to go weird…

So. Almost a year ago I had psychic reading done by a woman. I’d won this reading a metaphysical meet up of sorts.

I didn’t think too much of it but this woman was so bang on about so many things. One of the things that she touched on was that when I was painting it helped me channel messages from the other side.  So I took her advice and I continued to intuitively paint.

In January of this year ( so about a month after my reading) I finally cracked open my childhood amnesia and was able to heal my past using EMDR therapy.  I wrote about that in the blog. What was interesting is that the day I went to the appointment where my memories came back I had energy swirling around my third eye Chakra.  My mind was letting go and opening.  It was pretty wild. During that session I could feel my mom there with me as well. 

That was an incredibly huge day I’d been waiting 20 years for.

A few days later I had the urge to paint.
OK….not just like oh I wanted to paint. We are talking primal urge. Hands shaking like something needed to get out…NOW! 

I did as I had done before and smudged my apartment and lit incense and played calming music.

My hands were anything but calm.

What came out of this painting was an image of the dark goddess also known by many other names such as Hecate and Kali. 

At the time after just pushing through 20 years of mental illness I took this as a sign that she had helped me transmute my trauma/darkness and move forward.

I am willing to fully admit I was wrong and what I was up against was still to come.

Less than two weeks later I had fallen ill. So ill as I’d never been in my entire life. Bedridden. Excruciating pain.

You can read previous blog posts if you need a refresher on what happened. 

But. No. Hecate showed herself to me because it was time for some DEEP transition and change in life.

A dark night of the soul.

It pulled me so far deep into my psyche and grabbed out all my fears about my life and silly lies I’d told myself about who I am.

What’s also interesting to note is the fact that the illness I was struck down with isn’t something that people get better from.

What I have surmised from this is that my particular case of illness was for a reason. Once that reason had been healed…it stopped. Imagine that. Hah.

But seriously?  Did I actually predict my illness?

Must pay more attention to signs. 😉

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Journey to the Dark Goddess

Two and a half months ago before I got sick, I was experimenting with intuitive painting. I had been doing this recently, and a psychic session revealed it was something that I should continue doing as it helped me tap in. Part of my spiritual awakening has been some fairly interesting encounters with psychic phenomenon, and rather than shy away from it as I may have done in the past, I delved deeper into it. 

Two weeks before i became sick, I had a day where I needed to paint SO badly my hands were shaking, something needed to get out. I cleared my space with sage and lit candles and set off to work. What came of that painting was what I realized was the dark goddess and a single eye. At the time, I had just finished my EMDR therapy  to unlock my post traumatic amnesia. I thought the painting was a reference to the dark goddess’ ability to help transform the shadow self, and felt as though I had just done that. 

Boy was I wrong. 

I have now come to a greater understanding of what this illness has meant. It was meant to bring me to the depths of my greatest fears and face them head on. The fear of not being able to dance would be the most devastating thing in the world to me. So here, I had to face it head on because I was unable to dance. 

I did not ask or invoke this. It came to me. 

The pain I endured is something that will remind me of this. A reminder again, of how precious life and vitality is. I understand that each time I have journeyed with the dark goddess I have experienced many painful times in my life, but I have come out of it a much better person having transformed my shadow self a little more. 

As soon as I realized what this illness was, and surrendered to it…I mean I literally said I let go of all outcomes in this situation…I relinquished control…I was free…

I have had almost a complete remission in my symptoms since a few days ago. 

Just like that. Like I had finally learned the lesson this was meant to bring. And I had transformed. 

Like a pheonix rising, like the warrior goddess I am, I ROSE. 

And I rise, up and up and up. 

BAM! It feels good. 

Don’t be afraid of your dark. Embrace it, transform it. Love it.