The spiritual meaning of illness and injury.

Exactly 106 days ago I was knocked down by a severe adverse reaction to an antibiotic I was given. It attacked my collagen in my leg causing degeneration in my tendons, ligaments and fascia, and the WORST pain I’d ever felt in my entire life. The type that makes you literally rip out your hair and want to die. Then it hit my central nervous system and gave me the worst insomnia, not sleeping for days. Then tremors, which felt like I had parkinsons’. Then nerve pains, electrical shocks through my body.

I read all over the internet about people getting this and being gravely ill for a year, or years. I then developed panic attacks and anxiety. I was the sickest I’d ever been in my entire life. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to get better and if not for a very long time.

But the second I decided to change my views and let my body rest and heal as it needed to, I did start to get better.

As of 99 days into it, so a week ago today, I am able to walk. I am not dancing yet, but I imagine I will be soon. ALL of my symptoms have completely disappeared. The only thing remaining is a slightly shortened achilles tendon, which is being worked on in physio and I know I will make a full recovery.

Now, in a spiritual sense, what does this all mean?

I believe I was being tested. That it was a dark night of the soul. That I needed to go through this to really fight for what I wanted in my life. To fight for life itself.

A leg injury can mean you are afraid to move forward. And while I didn’t want to readily admit I was afraid of leaving all I knew behind and embarking on a new journey and new career, of course I actually was.

But this left me wanting for it, MORE.

It taught me the ever so hard to learn PATIENCE. I had to let my body slowly heal, and my mind heal along with it, as I lay in bed nearly 24-7 for over 3 months.

I’m stubborn. Only I could have this sort of experience to make me learn lol.

But I’m glad for it. I’m thankful for it.

I needed it.

So next you’re experiencing a roadblock of some kind…ask yourself…Do I need this lesson?

 

❤

Remembrance.

It’s been 20 days since this entire ordeal of health issues started and I am happy to report that I have finally had two days in a row where I haven’t needed any pain medication. That’s definitely a jump up from anything that has previously been happening. So what changed? Why the sudden turn around?

I stopped feeling sorry for myself and letting fear take hold. 

I’m a really really positive person normally and I became a person I didn’t like the last two weeks. I KNEW that if I kept my mood up that it would help me, but I just couldn’t see any way out through blinding pain. I was in crisis mode. I was scared of what was happening to my body. How long it would take to get back dancing. How long it would be until a doctor could help me. 

After a long talk with a friend of mine, yesterday morning I decided to call in my spirit guides and surrender to what was. To surrender my fear. To surrender my anxiety. To let the Universe take hold of where my health was at and help me heal. And I started feeling better. 

In the last two days I haven’t let my fear take hold and have instead been trying to help my body heal with tons of rest. 

Sometimes, we have bad days, or trying times in our lives. We have to be gentle with ourselves and others. 

And I need to remember that more power and beauty lies in my own heart and soul than I choose to use in times of crisis. I have the ability to heal my mind and my soul and my heart. I really need to just do that. 

That was my lesson this week. Trust, surrender, let go and use your power. 

 

❤

Freedom.

FREEDOM.

What does it mean to be free?

What if your freedoms in life were taken away?

Would you fight?

Would you cry?

Would you love?

 

I always wanted to come from a place of love in my life. I was doing pretty good. I was manifesting the life I wanted. But sometimes toxic people come into play. How do you give your best intentions to the universe and send love to someone who won’t respect your boundaries? Do you walk away from an abusive, violent, sad, controlling person? Does that fix them? I struggled for so long on what to do when someone like this came into my life. My heart ached for their pain when I decided to remove myself from the situation. How could I be coming from a place of love when I was walking away? How do I get free, and how do I still keep love pouring forth from me? In any difficult situation for that matter?

First things, first. If you are NOT safe, you need to get yourself into a situation where  you are. Call whoever you need to get yourself out.

Secondly, forgive them. Forgiveness is not for them. It is a gift you yourself. Taking back your freedom.

Third, Understanding. We all come through life with very different tracks in the road behind us. We are all a product of our environments and experiences. To know and understand this, is to understand love.

Fourth, take back your life. Take up creative endeavours. Go out dancing. Reconnect with your friends and family. Seek the experiences that bring you back to your true form

Fifth, and this is the hardest one of all…send them love. This one has proven incredibly hard for me. I try to live so much in love, but when your trust and feelings have been torn by someone for so long it’s hard to want to do anything but walk away. But, I bit my tongue, and I held onto the feeling that if I was able to take the hate out of my heart I could send out some love energy to heal. So that’s what I began to do

 

I think that what we sometimes forget is that when we hold something in, when we don’t speak about it, or do something about it, and choose instead to remain motionless and voiceless…we aren’t acting out of love for OURSELVES. Just because it’s not necessarily going to be that positive in reaction for someone, doesn’t mean we should hold ourselves back from doing what is right for us. Taking back our freedom. ❤

A week of delving within, of learning.

Where do I begin?

Two very different things have been happening over the last week.

One, I went to two different shamanic sound healing workshops.

The first, was more of a dreamlike state. I went into what I can only describe as a trance, and when I came out of it the only thought in my mind was “don’t go back to sleep, don’t go back to sleep, stay awake and aware”. I took this as my subconscious and/or spiritual guides telling me to keep on the path I am on.

The second, was more of an awakening and incorporated breathwork. I experienced tingling sensations through my head and forehead that I can only understand as charges of energy coming through me, that my nerves went haywire over. All steps on the journey of moving forward. I felt very connected to the spirit world during this one. I let go of all the pain inside that I possibly could. I felt warm hands holding mine. I felt as though my mom as there with me, and I could feel her cheek against mine.

I’ve learned that the quieter and more in focus I get, the more I am connecting to the spiritual realm. There are guides both seen and unseen that are helping me in this process and I am thirsting for more. I am thankful that I’m opening up and seeing beyond reality to the beautiful existence that we all live in, but may not see.

Next order of business. First therapy appointment. Met with my new therapist who is very good. He had me figured out just by what I was telling him. I was in tears, first appointment. Always a good sign for me as I am usually quite defensive.

I had originally requested for a therapist that specialized in EMDR as I’ve had quite a lot of growth when I was doing EMDR. However, the place I go to doesn’t have a therapist who does EMDR right now, so after talking to the therapist I met and learning he specializes in Hypnotherapy, I decided I was going to try that route. It’s the only other specialized therapy I had considered. Essentially it is doing the same thing EMDR would do, just going about it a different way.

I am interested to see if I CAN be hypnotized because of my defensive nature. But time will tell. First hypnotherapy appointment is next week. 🙂

Trusting the journey I move forward to see where the path leads. I am excited, and locked in, ready to go. Til next time, namaste! ❤