Tag Archives: life

Calling someone crazy…

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If you don’t understand then you should probably try.

I didn’t choose to have a mental illness.  Experiences and bad people in this world took my usual cheerful self away from me. It’s taken over 20 years to peel back the painful and deep layers of my psyche.
Most days I feel as though I have come over the hill. That I’ve climbed far enough out of the depths to be considered “well”. That I don’t need to label myself with complex post traumatic stress disorder anymore.

But people in my life continue to do so from time to time. I can’t change opinions.  But I wish that instead of labeling and putting stigma on mental illness that people would understand that we are all just human. Maybe just a little broken.

The steps I have had to walk each and every day since a child have been arduous and excruciating. Don’t label me when you don’t know my path.

I think, it’s a damn miracle that some of us even get out of it. I certainly could have stayed where I was…drowning in pain.

I had grown accustomed to anger. I enjoyed it even. It felt safe. And warm. Natural. That’s because a long time ago things of innocence were stolen from me. Things I can’t ever replace but have learned to heal.

Even these days I would say that I struggle with anger. Of how to express it properly. But also fear of being labeled “crazy” for speaking my mind and getting upset for a damn good reason. 

I don’t know that I’m fully where I need to be yet.

But.

Every day. I wake up and I TRY.  I keep my mind focused on moving through my pain and darkness and transmuting it.

I try to keep myself balanced and whole.

Some days I struggle.  Some days I am not proud of how I handle situations.

But I get back up.

And I try.

So if you don’t understand. 

Ask.

Don’t label.

You may learn something.

21 Day Gratitude Meditation by Louie Swartzberg – Day One

21 Day Gratitude Meditation, Day One: Finding your purpose. 
What gives you a fire inside? What would make you wake up each day being so grateful for life? 

A few weeks ago, I figured out what my purpose is. And I will spend the next year training to do it. Starting in December. 

Tonight, as I was watching the meditation video, it stopped and would not play past 9:44, I had to refresh the entire page. I looked up what 944 means in angel numbers:

“The repeating number 944 is a message that the angels and Archangels are supporting your Divine life purpose and are encouraging you to look into spiritually-based work and/or career path. The angels encourage you to set your goals and pursue your aspirations with enthusiasm and passion. Trust the workings of the Universe.

The repeating Angel Number 944 is a message that your Divine life purpose involves serving humanity using your ‘lightworking’ abilities. Trust that you have all the skills and talents you need in order to fulfil your spiritual destiny.”

I don’t know how to explain these increasingly amazing signs I get, but if you see and notice numbers, pay attention. The universe is trying to tell you something.  😉 ❤