I’ve been doing some chakra meditation and healing specifically related to my past sexual trauma. Interestingly enough, I had spider fall right in my face the next day. Spiders are represented by creative feminine energy. This is blocked when you have a blocked sacral and solar plexus chakra as I do. The very fact that I wasn’t afraid of it shows me that I have been releasing that from myself.
I also put two and two together in relation to the back and forth abnormal pap tests I’ve had for years. As I’ve been harboring so much pain from my past in those areas of my body, I have created dis-ease.
Healing myself through meditation and visualizations is becoming a daily ritual in my life. I’ve been doing daily if not twice daily energy cleansing on myself for weeks now, and I feel amazing after I do so. Now, I am taking what I’ve learned and directing it specifically to the chakras and points of resistance in myself, opening up waves of energy to flow freely.
I am healing myself. We all have this amazing ability to heal our own body, mind and soul. Remembering that, is taking us back to where we belong in this universe. To who and what we truly are.
I remember, who and what I am. And even though I may never have the memories from my early childhood back, I have been able to somewhat bypass that and find my true soul nature anyways. And in the process I’ve healed a lot of the wounds myself.
There is still lots of work to do but I know I’m SO on the right path.
I am in love with life.
I am in love with my progress.
I am in love with the beauty I see all around me.
I am in love with who I am.
Ok so, the results are in for experiment one:
An hour after I made the intention, I was gifted with a painting, that strangely enough, looks like a portal. hah.
I thought I was done an hour after I began, but another big blessing in disguise came just before the deadline.
After trying hypnotherapy and learning I am not able to be hypnotized, I’ve been waiting the last two weeks to be moved to an EMDR therapist. Yesterday an hour before the deadline, I got an email from the hypnotherapist that basically said, “the EMDR therapist has reviewed your case and doesn’t think you’re a good fit. We wish you the best.” So well, given a history of abandonment and feeling rejected, this set off an emotional flashback. I was MAD. I was SAD. Then I started looking elsewhere at private therapists, only to realize that my costs were going to double if not triple. SAD 😦 So in that moment I decided to again look at my health spending account. Low and behold, therapy IS covered…haha. So, not only can I pay for a new therapist and make sure I find a great one, but, I also get hundreds of dollars in back pay from my insurance. How’s that for a blessing? Thanks Universe.
This experiment is broken into two 24 hour periods. The first is try to attract a specific color of car. I chose green, because well it’s not that common here.
Results: I saw no less than 23 green vehicles on my way home from work. A 5 min bus ride. Literally saw one every 10 seconds or so at some points. So I’m going to keep counting my way through til tomorrow afternoon and report back.
Oh ya! YAYYYY for searching and finding a great EMDR therapist right away too!
What does it mean to be free?
What if your freedoms in life were taken away?
Would you fight?
Would you cry?
Would you love?
I always wanted to come from a place of love in my life. I was doing pretty good. I was manifesting the life I wanted. But sometimes toxic people come into play. How do you give your best intentions to the universe and send love to someone who won’t respect your boundaries? Do you walk away from an abusive, violent, sad, controlling person? Does that fix them? I struggled for so long on what to do when someone like this came into my life. My heart ached for their pain when I decided to remove myself from the situation. How could I be coming from a place of love when I was walking away? How do I get free, and how do I still keep love pouring forth from me? In any difficult situation for that matter?
First things, first. If you are NOT safe, you need to get yourself into a situation where you are. Call whoever you need to get yourself out.
Secondly, forgive them. Forgiveness is not for them. It is a gift you yourself. Taking back your freedom.
Third, Understanding. We all come through life with very different tracks in the road behind us. We are all a product of our environments and experiences. To know and understand this, is to understand love.
Fourth, take back your life. Take up creative endeavours. Go out dancing. Reconnect with your friends and family. Seek the experiences that bring you back to your true form
Fifth, and this is the hardest one of all…send them love. This one has proven incredibly hard for me. I try to live so much in love, but when your trust and feelings have been torn by someone for so long it’s hard to want to do anything but walk away. But, I bit my tongue, and I held onto the feeling that if I was able to take the hate out of my heart I could send out some love energy to heal. So that’s what I began to do
I think that what we sometimes forget is that when we hold something in, when we don’t speak about it, or do something about it, and choose instead to remain motionless and voiceless…we aren’t acting out of love for OURSELVES. Just because it’s not necessarily going to be that positive in reaction for someone, doesn’t mean we should hold ourselves back from doing what is right for us. Taking back our freedom. ❤
I connect to the innermost parts of my heart of hearts and soul of soul.
I connect with the universe as a whole.
I connect with nature.
I connect with animals and other humans and beings.
I connect with my inner being, the divine within.
I remember, I remember.
I am burst wide open with joy and possibility.
Letting go of the ego.
Letting go of shame.
Letting go of guilt.
I WILL BE.
BECAUSE MY SOUL IS ALIVE.
AND I CAN.
As much as darkness can creep into the heart of a person with a dis-ease, a day like this sure can brighten up the sour-est mood. What a beauty!
I walked home today. Raised my face to the sun and let it’s energy pour down over me like a waterfall. I feel so at peace in the sunshine. Yay beautiful days! ❤
Yesterday, I re-registered myself for EMDR therapy. I needed to take a break from people in general for a bit, so I deactivated my Facebook. Unlike times when I withdraw from people because I am feeling the need to re-charge, this is different. This time, I know I need to focus on my healing. I feel so right on the path I’m on right now.
As I talked about in the video I posted below, EMDR was the one therapy that really “clicked” for me. It was a very quick progression as well. I was seeing results in as little as 3 sessions. I want nothing more than to continue that process and really focus on it.
So at least until the end of the month, this will be where I talk, where I post updates. No Facebook, no other social media. etc.
And well, that was strange, my therapist just called me as I was typing this! First appointment is next Wednesday. Not only that, but it was 4:44 pm when he called, which if you watched my video, 444 is a very significant number for me. That was crazy!
Anyways, onwards and upwards!
This is in response to my “coming out” the other day. Talking more about what it means to have C-PTSD and life in general. It’s a long one, but I needed to talk it out. A friend of mine said something very true the other day. He told me that when we write, we “edit” our words and thoughts, but when we speak, it flows. So I let it flow. ❤
To be so sheltered by your own mind for so long…wears on you.
I’ve been moving head first into change lately. Owning up to who and what I am. To what I don’t want. To who I want to be.
Healing through experience. Making choices based on what my intuition and heart know is best.
For the first time in my life I’m waking up with an inner peace that I have been longing for.
I can breathe. I hold hope in my heart. I know how to get myself on track. I’m living my truth. For me. And nobody else. I’m taking it back.
Learning and growing at super sonic speeds. So so grateful for the awakening I’ve had. Opening my heart to others and letting love in for real. No longer hiding the parts of me that used to make me feel ashamed.
Life is beautiful. And the best part is there is all the time in the world to rise. To come alive. ❤
I am quite bothered by some things today, so it`s been difficult to focus.
One thing that is bothering me is that my friend has been missing for almost two months. They have found a body near his house in the last day and it is as of yet, unidentified. There`s so much more to this, but I have resolved myself not to dwell on it. I can only take things one day at a time, or I get overwhelmed.
Secondly, I have put my worry onto D for far too long. I should only be worrying about myself. Not anyone else.
But if you see my previous post, this is something that I really really struggle with. Not worrying.
So I remembered a piece of advice I heard from a friend the other day. She told me that she met a woman who every day would send out her love to George Bush…now, she asked this woman `why on earth would you do that`and her answer was that he needs love just like you and everyone else. So she then began a practice of sending love to people she didn`t like.
Not that I don`t like anyone, but today I decided to focus my attention in meditation on sending love and healing towards D, my friend who is missing, and my mom who is sick.
I imagined them wrapped up in a soft cocoon of light and love and healing. Then I asked the universe to take my pain and transfer it into healing and love. The visualization helps me work through the worry and pain that I am feeling, while using the energy in a positive way.
I feel a bit lighter. I`m going to meditate later again, but this time in the process my therapist has set out for me since session two. I needed to bring myself to a calmer place before attempting that today.
Learning is fun. 🙂