Tag Archives: missing you

Missing my mom.

It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been very very busy working a lot.

Pregnancy is going well, I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and we find out the gender in two weeks! I am so hoping for a girl. 🙂

Part of me feels as though I have been waiting for this baby for a long time. When I was 17 I got pregnant. I chose to have an abortion at that time. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Oddly, that was the year of the sheep, and so is this year. Another strange similarity is that the man I was seeing back  then and the one I am seeing now are both Aries. As is my mom, who passed away. When I had the abortion she found out after I had already done it….she told me she wished I hadn’t. That she would have helped me.

Now I feel as though this baby has been a long time coming, and will have a connection to my mom in spirit.

I have had a girl’s name picked out since back then, 12 years ago as well.

But part of me thinks I hope it’s a girl because I want to have the mother-daughter connection, and in some ways it will bring me closer to my own mom.

Some days I just get overwhelmed with sadness that’s she not here to experience this life changing event with me. I have to remind myself that she is always around, but, it’s just not the same. I long to talk to her, to see her, to feel her.

Sometimes I get scared too. Like what if I don’t know how to do something and I can’t call her? Who will I call when the baby takes their first steps? Why shouldn’t she be the first call?

I miss her. My heart aches for my mom. I wish I could just curl up in her arms again. 😦