It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve been very very busy working a lot.
Pregnancy is going well, I will be 17 weeks tomorrow and we find out the gender in two weeks! I am so hoping for a girl. 🙂
Part of me feels as though I have been waiting for this baby for a long time. When I was 17 I got pregnant. I chose to have an abortion at that time. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life. Oddly, that was the year of the sheep, and so is this year. Another strange similarity is that the man I was seeing back then and the one I am seeing now are both Aries. As is my mom, who passed away. When I had the abortion she found out after I had already done it….she told me she wished I hadn’t. That she would have helped me.
Now I feel as though this baby has been a long time coming, and will have a connection to my mom in spirit.
I have had a girl’s name picked out since back then, 12 years ago as well.
But part of me thinks I hope it’s a girl because I want to have the mother-daughter connection, and in some ways it will bring me closer to my own mom.
Some days I just get overwhelmed with sadness that’s she not here to experience this life changing event with me. I have to remind myself that she is always around, but, it’s just not the same. I long to talk to her, to see her, to feel her.
Sometimes I get scared too. Like what if I don’t know how to do something and I can’t call her? Who will I call when the baby takes their first steps? Why shouldn’t she be the first call?
I miss her. My heart aches for my mom. I wish I could just curl up in her arms again. 😦
Ok. I am not even a mom yet. But I’m catching wind of some of these very heated arguments between moms and moms to be. Breastfeeding vs. Formula. Circumcise vs. not. Vaccinate vs. non vaccination. etc etc
I have two reasons this concerns me.
One, my views have changed a lot. I used to trust my doctor. I used to think they knew everything and run to them when things went wrong. I don’t do that anymore. It’s been almost a year since I had a severe adverse reaction to an antibiotic. I have very very STRONG views on medications and vaccines, and things that just don’t belong in a body. It’s not just my opinion, it’s what I’ve seen happen. I have allergies to several different things. I had severe reactions and allergies to several antibiotics. My brother had seizures from his childhood vaccines. To be fair, it seems that my genes lean towards being sensitive to these things. I plan on delaying vaccination in my kids. Not long, but long enough that if they do have a reaction it’s not going to be in a tiny 2 month old body. This is my choice. For many reasons.
Two, because of these views am I going to be shunned by other moms? I truly want was is best for my child and given my history, perhaps shielding them from harm is the best way I can do that.
Why can’t we all get along?
I am part of a online pregnancy message board. These conversations come up. Sometimes very young girls come onto the boards to ask about abortion and people bring their “pro life” views into things, and try to push their religion onto people.
News flash! Don’t just assume that everyone follows your religion….
Hey, I may be hormonal but I can see that competing with each other is not the way to be.
I do what I know is right for me, and you do what is right for you.
I respect that.
Don’t judge and push your views on me.
As I sit here and reflect on this year I wonder how much this year has helped me grow into a woman. I left behind a lot of things.
Illness plagued this year. Considering I spent approximately 5 months early this year bedridden and yet I am healthy today is a feat like no other. A miracle if you will. Floxing changed everything about how I interact with the world. What substances I will put in my home and in my body. Chemicals are everywhere and I’m keeping my environment as natural as possible.
Being sick also led to an even greater understanding of how very short life is. We only get one chance at life…well this one at least…so it’s pertinent to remember this and keep our dreams big and our hearts open.
My birthday is New Years Eve and I will be 29 this year. I have one last year of my 20’s and this is bringing about change as well.
My Saturn Return also falls over the next year. I’ve written several posts wondering about what my Saturn Return might mean.
Well, I do know one thing I will be doing…
My big news..
I am expecting my first child next year!
BIG changes on the way it seems. 🙂
And such a wonderful gift after struggling through this year.
I am excited and ecstatic!