As I sit here and reflect on this year I wonder how much this year has helped me grow into a woman. I left behind a lot of things.
Illness plagued this year. Considering I spent approximately 5 months early this year bedridden and yet I am healthy today is a feat like no other. A miracle if you will. Floxing changed everything about how I interact with the world. What substances I will put in my home and in my body. Chemicals are everywhere and I’m keeping my environment as natural as possible.
Being sick also led to an even greater understanding of how very short life is. We only get one chance at life…well this one at least…so it’s pertinent to remember this and keep our dreams big and our hearts open.
My birthday is New Years Eve and I will be 29 this year. I have one last year of my 20’s and this is bringing about change as well.
My Saturn Return also falls over the next year. I’ve written several posts wondering about what my Saturn Return might mean.
Well, I do know one thing I will be doing…
My big news..
I am expecting my first child next year!
BIG changes on the way it seems. 🙂
And such a wonderful gift after struggling through this year.
I am excited and ecstatic!
I am so very drawn to the new moon. It always seems like such an exciting time. And this is no exception as we move into the sun sign of Sagittarius on the same day! I’m also anticipating when Saturn moves into Sag as this marks the beginning of what I believe shall be interesting times as its my Saturn Return. It does this on Christmas Eve and hey my birthday is exactly a week later! I’ll be 29 and holy moly the last year of my 20’s will be a big one I can feel it!
I even suspect the slowing down of my life due to illness and personal choices has wiped the slate clean for what new and exciting things shall come!
Tomorrow I will use this new moon energy to map out my wishes for the future.
As I sit on the eve of my first Saturn Return I am catching myself wondering about what it means to have grown. I look back on my childish behavior and life over the last ten years and wonder is this what it feels like to have finally grown up?
Certainly it was chock full of growing pains and heartache. I have been put through the ringer the last few years and I wonder what Saturn has in store for me. I know there is more to come.
But what has happened through this year is a great slow down. Partially because of my illness and partially because I made a conscious choice to stop living a childish existence.
I left behind a life I could still be living. A very public spotlight. Performing in front of thousands of people in hundreds of shows a year. But there was a dark side to it as well. It was an ego driven thing. Sure. I love dance. But I loved being loved. And have spent the majority of my life looking for it in all the wrong places. I didn’t love myself. I loved the image I projected. But that image no longer exists. Getting sick took care of that.
And then I slowly undid the doings of my life as I deleted social media profiles and cut the unnecessary people out of my life. The people who only knew the face I put on.
What I’m really stuck on is where I fit into the world now.
I long to find my tribe.
I have experienced so many strange unusual spiritual paranormal things over the last 3 years that I have a hard time connecting with lots of people.
What a strange place to be. Standing at the precipice of adulthood. No longer fitting in the old child like ways. But still not quite there.
Saturn. I think I’m ready for you. 😉
The universe just showed this video to me :
The Innovation of Loneliness: http://youtu.be/c6Bkr_udado
So I’ve been doing a ton of research on “saturn returns” lately as shortly after my 29th birthday in December my own Saturn Return goes from February to November 2015.
As I understand it, it is a time of enormous change and growth. Where the parts of you that aren’t working are pushed to the forefront and you have no choice but the change. Some people tell stories of it and they had a very rough time because they hadn’t prepared for what needed to change.
I have already been going through enormous changes over the last 3 years. Or so I believe I guess. Haha.
I’m fairly confused when I read Saturn Return stories online because I feel like a lot of what is supposed to happen is stuff I’ve already been doing for a long while.
Does anyone out there have any insight?