It’s been 20 days since this entire ordeal of health issues started and I am happy to report that I have finally had two days in a row where I haven’t needed any pain medication. That’s definitely a jump up from anything that has previously been happening. So what changed? Why the sudden turn around?
I stopped feeling sorry for myself and letting fear take hold.
I’m a really really positive person normally and I became a person I didn’t like the last two weeks. I KNEW that if I kept my mood up that it would help me, but I just couldn’t see any way out through blinding pain. I was in crisis mode. I was scared of what was happening to my body. How long it would take to get back dancing. How long it would be until a doctor could help me.
After a long talk with a friend of mine, yesterday morning I decided to call in my spirit guides and surrender to what was. To surrender my fear. To surrender my anxiety. To let the Universe take hold of where my health was at and help me heal. And I started feeling better.
In the last two days I haven’t let my fear take hold and have instead been trying to help my body heal with tons of rest.
Sometimes, we have bad days, or trying times in our lives. We have to be gentle with ourselves and others.
And I need to remember that more power and beauty lies in my own heart and soul than I choose to use in times of crisis. I have the ability to heal my mind and my soul and my heart. I really need to just do that.
That was my lesson this week. Trust, surrender, let go and use your power.
Where do I begin?
Two very different things have been happening over the last week.
One, I went to two different shamanic sound healing workshops.
The first, was more of a dreamlike state. I went into what I can only describe as a trance, and when I came out of it the only thought in my mind was “don’t go back to sleep, don’t go back to sleep, stay awake and aware”. I took this as my subconscious and/or spiritual guides telling me to keep on the path I am on.
The second, was more of an awakening and incorporated breathwork. I experienced tingling sensations through my head and forehead that I can only understand as charges of energy coming through me, that my nerves went haywire over. All steps on the journey of moving forward. I felt very connected to the spirit world during this one. I let go of all the pain inside that I possibly could. I felt warm hands holding mine. I felt as though my mom as there with me, and I could feel her cheek against mine.
I’ve learned that the quieter and more in focus I get, the more I am connecting to the spiritual realm. There are guides both seen and unseen that are helping me in this process and I am thirsting for more. I am thankful that I’m opening up and seeing beyond reality to the beautiful existence that we all live in, but may not see.
Next order of business. First therapy appointment. Met with my new therapist who is very good. He had me figured out just by what I was telling him. I was in tears, first appointment. Always a good sign for me as I am usually quite defensive.
I had originally requested for a therapist that specialized in EMDR as I’ve had quite a lot of growth when I was doing EMDR. However, the place I go to doesn’t have a therapist who does EMDR right now, so after talking to the therapist I met and learning he specializes in Hypnotherapy, I decided I was going to try that route. It’s the only other specialized therapy I had considered. Essentially it is doing the same thing EMDR would do, just going about it a different way.
I am interested to see if I CAN be hypnotized because of my defensive nature. But time will tell. First hypnotherapy appointment is next week. 🙂
Trusting the journey I move forward to see where the path leads. I am excited, and locked in, ready to go. Til next time, namaste! ❤
I connect to the innermost parts of my heart of hearts and soul of soul.
I connect with the universe as a whole.
I connect with nature.
I connect with animals and other humans and beings.
I connect with my inner being, the divine within.
I remember, I remember.
I am burst wide open with joy and possibility.
Letting go of the ego.
Letting go of shame.
Letting go of guilt.
I WILL BE.
BECAUSE MY SOUL IS ALIVE.
AND I CAN.